Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
