I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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