im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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