Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
