Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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