I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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