Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
