I think my fart just growled at me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
