3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
