walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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