i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
