I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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