Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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