What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
