i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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