Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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