Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
