I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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