Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
