My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
