Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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