i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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