i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
two words...techno handjob
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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