Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
