Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Alive.
So much puke
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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