I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
