those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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