when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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