Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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