In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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