just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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