Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
