guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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