Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
