he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
