I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
