If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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