just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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