Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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