When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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