he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i came on her dog
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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