So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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