just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
