Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She even gives head with a lisp.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
