ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
