She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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