We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
