There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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