I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
