I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
barbara walters just said penis...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
