Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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